I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
