So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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