haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she pinky promised me she was 18
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Let's paint friendship bongs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
