Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
