Just fell off a train. Bad.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
