We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
