You really coming over, don't trick.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
