it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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