I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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