I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How external is "for external use only"?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
