overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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