he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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