Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
