You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
