I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
