i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
