saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
