my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
