Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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