Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
