i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
