hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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