I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
