Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
