I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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