Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
