You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
