3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
