Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
