i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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