Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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