my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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