I'm going to jail i love you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
