I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
