I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
