I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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