Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
