i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
