I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
