I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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