good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
