guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
