Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
