3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
