so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
