It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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