I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
