My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
