Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well you can't waste a boner
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
