Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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